The Voice of Midwest Golf By Ivan Morris
Shark ‘Blows’ $5 Million Bonus At Doonbeg!
With the benefit of hindsight, Greg Norman should have demanded a bonus payment per snail when he was designing the Doonbeg golf course!
A recent census has revealed that the infamous Vertigo Angustior population at Doonbeg has increased 6-fold from 10 million to 60million. If The Shark had asked to be paid 10 cents per snail for a verifiable increase within 10 years – he’d now be due $5 million! Marauding golfers were not that much of a threat after all.
Something similar happened at the Castlegregory golf course in Kerry where toad spawn is now being 'exported' to so-called, environmentally protected habitats in Wexford where the Natterjack’s very existence is threatened by Nature herself without nary a golf course in sight. When will non-golfers realize that 'our game' is good for the environment?
The welcome at Doonbeg Golf Club is always warm with a relaxed efficiency added. As often as not, the person who looks after new arrivals is the charming pro, John Dooley, who enjoys disguising his seriously sharp golfing brain.
A keen student of ‘total golf,’ John not only understands technique but he has also studied the biomechanics involved as well as the often-overlooked mental side. Nothing makes John happier than to be on the practice ground helping a receptive student to play better.
Last week’s sideways rain kept me off the windswept Doonbeg links. As one question borrowed another - and then another - before I knew it, I had this week’s column!
IM- what one thing, in your opinion, would make the game better?
JD- change the handicap system because it is not doing its job as intended. In theory, it should be one of golf’s greatest assets but there are too many golfers who manipulate a faulty system – they are hurting the game in more ways than they think.
IM- what do you think of the current grooves controversy?
JD- the new grooves should help the better players to shine. However the rules are the rules and Mickelson should not have been play-acting with them simply to make a point. Players need to get used to the fact that it is not as easy with the new grooves to play drop and stop shots out of the rough.
IM- are touring pros spoiled?
JD- great players deserve great rewards. I’d cut off my toenails without an anesthetic if I thought it would make me good enough to tee it up in The Masters.
IM- who is your favorite golfer?
JD- the one and only - Arnold Palmer
IM- name your favorite golf courses worldwide?
JD- The Quarry Course at La Quinta in California, The River Course at Kiawah Island in South Carolina, Porcupine Creek GC in California plus many more besides and Doonbeg, of course.
IM- what’s in your golf bag?
JD- a pocket of half full of dreams! I currently play with a Taylormade TP Burner Driver (9.5 stiff), Sonartec fairway metals, Taylormade muscle back irons, and Taylormade chrome wedges, 54 and 60 degrees.
IM- what’s the newest/latest piece of equipment in your golf bag?
JD- a Scotty Cameron Studio Newport putter, 32 inches in length.
IM- why so short?
JD – so I can extend my arms which will allow me to gently rock my shoulders. It also helps me to feel more comfortable and solid over the ball and helps me to keep my eyes properly aligned.
IM- who would be in your dream 4ball?
JD- Sophia Loren (in her mid-20s), Kylie Minogue & Hugh Heffner
IM- what’s the best golf advice you’ve ever received?
JD- the golf swing is two turns and a swish in the middle, performed rhythmically! Once you know this and can grip the club properly and take up your stance with the proper posture – golf is easy! That’s basically what I teach. Once people know how to address the ball properly the swing ‘happens.’ Improvement is all down to practice, patience and perseverance.
IM- what’s your favorite meal here at Doonbeg?
JD- Kumo, the head chef, does a superb tuna steak in Darby’s bar.
IM- soccer, rugby, cricket, football or hurling?
JD- hurling – especially on the first Sunday in September, whenever
IM- your favorite band/singer/music?
JD- nobody better than the boss - Bruce Springsteen
IM- how do you relax away from the golf course?
JD- I love to travel, especially to
IM- who would you most like to meet, and why?
JD- I would like to experience a couple of weeks as a fly on the wall observing Richard Branson in action.
IM- if you weren’t a golf pro, what would you like to be?
JD- perhaps I might like to have a go at the Luge in the Winter Olympics, representing the Peoples Republic of Cork, of course.
IM- you ARE crackers! What are your goals for 2010?
JD- complete my PGA Advanced Diploma.
IM- that sounds more sensible. I wish you good luck!
